Happily Ever After

All fairy tales have something in common besides the happily ever after; all fairy tales have their obstacle and villains. If you’ve ever seen the Disney movie Tangled, Rapunzel’s story and Ashley’s story are pretty similar minus the stolen at birth part, but you could probably make a case for that. Rapunzel’s story goes; a woman name Gothel found a legendary flower that restored her youthful appearance and hid it to keep for herself, allowing her to live for hundreds of years. A king orders his men to find the legendary flower to help his ailing pregnant queen. Gothel accidentally reveals the legendary flower’s hiding spot and the kings men return to bring it for the queen. The queen eventually gives birth to a princess called Rapunzel. Rapunzel has beautiful golden hair that glows with the magic of the flower. Mother Gothel, needing the flower’s magic to keep her alive steals Rapunzel as a baby, because her hair now holds the magic, and raises Rapunzel as her own child and locks her away in a hidden tower. Gothel emotionally abuses Rapunzel keeps her locked up and alone until Flynn stumbles upon her tower and sets her free.

I met Ashley when I was 16. I don’t really remember how it happened and when I put the question to her, she didn’t really remember either. Being the wise and knowing one in our relationship, she told me that sometimes the most important people in our lives don’t have meaningful or exciting meeting but turn into the most beautiful of relationships. So I’ll leave it to that.

We just remember our summers together, because we went to different high schools, and all of our shenanigans. We met at my very first job, a summer job at Waterworld; she worked in the food and services department and I worked as a lifeguard. We remember all of our adventures, from monster truck shows, to professional bull riding event, to the endless summer concerts, going on great and terrible double blind dates and finding a random double-decker bus in Half Moon Bay. She remembers my love for Italian “goods” and I remember her love of classic muscle cars.

Ashley was my partner in crime and we were inseparable. She was beautiful, outgoing and spontaneous and she always said “Yes.” It didn’t matter what I wanted to do or what not-so-bright idea I came up with, she always said “Yes.” As long as we’ve been friends, and as happy and well rounded she seemed, I never would have thought that she hid a dark secret. Katherine, her mother, had always seemed like her best friend when I used to come over. I remember being jealous of their almost friends like relationship. It wouldn’t be until years later that I find out how different Katherine was when they’re in front of others and when they’re alone. Katherine made the decision to be a single mother and the reasons were something Ashley could only guess based on what she’s heard. Those stories are almost as dark as hers.Ashley’s mother’s decision to be a single mother, denied her father a chance to influence Ashley, whether good or bad, we’ll never know.

It was after high school, when we were both 18 that we were able to do more adventurous things, like stay out late at night, be gone all night and go to the city by ourselves. It was then that I started to notice that Ashley’s world wasn’t always great and that Katherine wasn’t what she appeared to be. As Ashley grew older, her relationship with her mother grew tremulous, even outside of their home. Katherine and Ashley only really had each other, through the years and Katherine had a tight control over Ashley’s life. As Ashley grew older and learned to be more independent, Katherine’s control became tighter. When control wasn’t working, she would shake Ashley’s confidence with verbal abuse. As Ashley told me, much later on, those verbal and emotional abuses sometimes turned into physical abuse. There were instances where Katherine would even take Ashley’s house key away to prevent her from going home if she did something Katherine didn’t approve of. Katherine would let Ashley fend for herself alone at night, a young woman, who had no other family to turn to.

Sometimes,Ashley would get a motel room and sometimes she’d stay with a friend. The parallels of Rapunzel and Ashley’s stories doesn’t end at the abuse, they both eventually get their happily ever after.

Ashley met Jeffrey while hanging out at an Institute of Religion by the Junior College they were both attending. They were introduced by the institute director. She found him attractive but they started off as friends. They’re first date, according to her is “still debatable to this day.” He had told her he liked her and that he wanted to take her out but that he still needed time to make sure he was over his last relationship before anything happened which she thought at the time was nice and respectful.

“I was thinking to myself, nope, never going to happen.” A little bit of time passed and out of the blue, he calls her to ask if she want to go to the temple, the Mormon temple in Oakland which looks like a castle and has the most breathtaking views from the roof and amazing spiritual things happen inside. She said “Yes.”

“I just wasn’t going to say no to going to the temple and then I wasn’t sure if it was the date or not. It wasn’t meant to be, he was going to ask me on a real date that night. But I thought it was our date by the end of the night. He dropped me off and walked me to my door and asked if he could take me on that date he had talked about. I told him, I thought this was it. He asked me to go out again… ‘on a real date’.”

Their first -meant to be date- he took her rock climbing and out to lunch at a great little place in Pleasant Hill. “While rock climbing I dropped him! I thought I’d never recover from thinking the temple trip was a date and dropping him, but I did.”

“Since then we’ve had one adventure after another. I will never forget our first Valentine’s day. We weren’t far into our relationship, but it was new and exciting! He took me to church since it was a Sunday and brought me home to his house. He had slaved away making filling for enchiladas from scratch the night before and I could still smell the spices in the house. He sat me down and gave me something to do for a little bit and apologized for leaving me alone and quickly excused himself from the room. He prepared the enchiladas and put them in the oven, started some rice and set the nice dining room table with fancy china that was his grandmothers along with real silverware and when the food was ready he came and got me with the most beautiful painted pink long stem roses I had ever seen, even to this day. Now, I know enchiladas aren’t a romantic food but Mexican food is my favorite, so knowing that he went through a lot of work to get everything ready and thought of me every step of the way. I didn’t know at this point that I’d marry him but I knew how much he cared for me and that I was madly in love with him.”

What is it about the falling in love? How do you know it’s the real deal?

“The thing about love is it can strike you at any moment. I knew before my husband proposed to me that I would marry him, and we weren’t far along in our relationship, but I knew. And you don’t know if the person you’re with is “the right one,” because you can easily have multiple “right ones” and you just have to take a leap of faith. I knew that I could spend the rest of my life with this man as he is now, but what about the changes we make in the future? What if he squeezes the tooth paste tube from the middle and not the top? What if he prefers the mouth of the cup to be placed down when they are put away instead of up? A million things can be unknown and what you have to know is if your intent, your feelings, your love, your desire to be with them and around them, you have to know what you can and cannot live with and without and take that leap of faith. No one right person is right or meant for each of us. I know it does not sound romantic but I find that thought more comforting and more romantic. I could be married to someone else or be in a relationship with someone else, but I chose him and he chose me, and that’s what made us right for each other. I fell in love because Jeffrey is Jeffrey, he doesn’t change around people. He is always thinking about me and how he can make me happy. He loves to go grocery shopping with me, he likes to laugh, he likes to make me laugh, he cares deeply for other people, even those he barely knows and he tries to get to know them. He works really hard. I don’t think I will ever meet another person that works just as hard as he does. He enjoys having and spending time with kids. He can make the best out of a dark day. He enjoys a good lightning storm with heavy rain, he loves to get lost, he hikes off trail, he’s not afraid of bears, he loves to travel, he’s always up for things I say I want to do. He’d rather go to the family cabin that is in the middle of nowhere with no cell phone reception and no land line and a wood burning stove than a five star hotel, but he would take me to that five star hotel if I asked, or he felt I’d want that experience more… he is just Jeffrey. He loves his family so much and I know that they all know he has love for them but I don’t think they all understand just how much he loves them and it would be hard for each of them to understand since he’s the youngest of 12 and they are scattered all over the country.”

As far as love stories go, Ashley and Jeffrey knew they were the one for each other. In just four months they knew that they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together.

“We were in Utah for the weekend with his parents, his oldest brother and other family members. His oldest brother used to be a jeweler and Jeffrey asked to go check out some rings for me, so his mother, sister in law, and niece kept me busy. The boys in Utah, having barely known me, made bets on how long it would be before he proposed. Jeffrey had expressed to them that he was just looking and would get some ideas and plan something big and extravagant maybe 6 months out. He proposed that weekend. And then I got to find out who won the bet and that they all approved of me.”

Jeffrey and Ashley’s engagement was wonderful news to their friends and Jeffrey’s family but Ashley’s mother, only saw this as her child being taken from her. Katherine and Ashley’s relationship deteriorated and Ashley became homeless. Katherine kicked her out of the home they’d shared for many years because she didn’t approve of Jeffrey. I suppose it wasn’t really Jeffrey she didn’t approve of because he’s a great guy, had no bad problems, never been in trouble with the law or had anything remarkably bad held against him. Katherine despised what he represented.

They’re engagement lasted four months as well, just enough time to plan their wedding.

“I was homeless and was looking for somewhere to live and through my church found a great home to stay in until I got married. I had a home with my mother, but was forced out due to issues that were only exacerbated by my decision to get married. I would have stayed with my future husband but we thought it would be best to not have any risk or temptation of anything happening before the wedding. We were waiting, you know what I mean. And so I found a home and continued to work. I asked my mother in law for advice on planning the wedding and she quickly sent out an email to I don’t even know how many ladies that were all willing to help. One thing about weddings in our church, we have them all the time so everyone is willing to help and wants to get rid of the stuff they have in their garage even if it’s just for a little while. I had two amazing women that have known Jeffrey since he was really little, and they had known me during the course of our relationship, that wanted to start a business together planning parties and events such as weddings and receptions. So they offered to make me their first and I very happily accepted. They coordinated food, listened to what I wanted as far as colors and theme and the feel and they ran with it. We went to the flea market to find a few treasures, we borrowed a few things that other members and they each had a nice collection of items that worked well with what I had envisioned. I wanted an English garden tea type experience with champagne and sapphire as my colors. But that wasn’t really for the wedding itself. It was for a ring ceremony and reception. Jeffrey and I prepared ourselves to be married in the temple, where we had that first date. We were sealed together for time and all eternity. What that means to us, is we are married and death does not stop us from still being together, when we pass we will still be with the other on the other side. After the sealing, we took what felt like would be a million pictures and we changed. I scarfed down the biggest burger and shake I could knowing that I wouldn’t get anything else to eat that day. We went to the reception site and I got back in my dress. I loved and still love my dress. It was the third one I tried on and IT was the dress. Perfect in every way. It was the easiest part of planning the wedding. It was on sale, last one in stock and it was mine. I had asked a very special couple with a beautiful backyard if we could use it for the ring ceremony and reception and they were so nice to say yes. I wouldn’t change much of anything from the day. Overall I see that day as a dream. It was perfect. I was happy, my husband was happy and he enjoyed it and that’s all that really matters. We chose to leave the reception in my dress and his tux and when we got to the hotel we were staying at for the night they happily upgraded our suite and a cute little French girl asked me if she could kiss me. It wasn’t until her father translated and said she loves princesses did I understood. It was just the cutest thing. I happily let her peck me on the cheek.

Jeffrey and Ashley honeymooned in Hawaii and came back to California, just long enough to pack their things and head off to their next adventure, Brigham Young University – Idaho. “It was where we both decided to transfer individually, and we both got in, and it just felt right. We worked, went to school and graduated. Some relationships did suffer from this huge change. I lost many of my best friends, so did Jeffrey. Not that they weren’t still there, it’s just harder when you can’t go to your friends house, or see them regularly. On top of that the strained relationship I had gotten with my mother had become even more strained. It was difficult. After moving away from home and being married, I had realized and have still come to small realizations that my mother was and is an amazing woman who did a lot for me against all odds, but that some of my memories are sugar coated and if I really think about them, not everything was okay as I once thought it was. It has taken time to get over wounds I had not realized weren’t just normal experiences for everyone. But in the end it has made me a stronger person to have dealt with them, even if it came later in life.”

Meet Benjamin

After feeling sick for days, I realized that I did not have the flue and it was NO cold I was experiencing. And on the early morning of October 29, we found out that we were pregnant! I’m going to be a mom!!! I didn’t believe it at first because the result came back so quickly from the pregnancy test and in the movies it always took a while for the results to show so I sent my poor sleepy husband back to the store to get another pregnancy test kit and the result was the same. We’re going to be parents!

I was 39 weeks pregnant, my blood pressure was a little high and the ultrasound showed that Benjamin was the same size as he was on our last visit. Most babies would be a little bigger at this point so we decided to get some tests done. It took 2.5 hours to get the results; my placenta had stopped working properly and our boy was still developing but not growing at the rate he needed to. To save the life of our baby, we planned a cesarean section that day. I found myself lying down with two amazing doctors talking me through one of the scariest things in my life and my husband holding me, letting me know it’s okay and that he loves me. Next thing I know, I hear the most amazing sound in the world. It’s our baby crying. I was so happy, I cried and I do not think the tears really stopped coming I heard my husband coming back with our baby boy. Benjamin was born on June 4 weighing 5lbs. 6oz. and 19inches long. He is healthy and growing, and although he doesn’t fit into any of the clothes we have for him yet, it’s okay because he likes being a naked boy anyway.

Benjamin is two now, so he’s a little stubborn and not always happy when he’s not getting what he wants, when he wants it, but what two year old isn’t difficult at times. I will say however he is overall a really good boy. I think I was blessed so it can make having more easier. I often get told that the only way someone is going to have a baby, period, is if it’s guaranteed they will be as well behaved as Benjamin is. So I know his awesomeness isn’t just built up in my head, and no way multiple people are going to tell me the same lie to flatter me. He’s a pretty relaxed boy. His hair, which throws lots of people off since its still long baby hair definitely expresses he a relaxed kind of dude. He’s a California beach boy, stranded in Ohio.

We’re celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary this month (August). Our future is bright. It’s filled with children running around in the backyard laughing and playing. Me and the hubs playing with them too. He is in his second year of dental school and we’ll see where we end up when he’s done. We’ve got a few years left, for now were really enjoying where we are. Oh and Benjamin is going to be a big brother in January!

This article can be found in the August 2015 issue of Jone Loves Magazine:

http://www.magcloud.com/browse/issue/962615

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